Both lost as a feeling of dread washes over me. Was I ever yours?
A calm breeze fills my mind, my soul. I felt the same ache in my chest I always do. The heartburn.
I was seventeen and in school, studying art and making friends. We were all here.
Nothing felt like it ever had before, but not in a bad way. I missed feeling like the world was a happy place,
loving my hobbies and interest, not quitting them because they felt wrong.
I missed feeling like my world wasn’t crumbling and my self-esteem falling and rising as it pleased.
That was weeks ago. Months even. I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in a while. Can’t enjoy the way
I have to the parties anymore. It felt like a chore, like I was never fully going to get drunk.
Constantly had to pee, too cold and too hot, somehow lost in the rhythm and the warm ache in my heart from the alcohol.
I don’t think anything ever felt as real, yet it was over quickly. The lipstick stains I knew were there yet couldn’t visualize.
The warm costume and the warm looks from others, compliments and greetings left and right.
A day to remember for sure. Kissing and dancing, wanting to explore and try new things,
sparking a new youth to my life that felt like it wasn’t going to leave.
It hasn’t left, I can still feel it. Maybe it’s just specific, picky if you will. I can’t tell, but it’s not gone.